I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
