careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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