At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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