If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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