my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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