goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
God I need to hump something, right now.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
