Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
