I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
