im six kinds of drunk right now
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
