I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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