I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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