In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
