all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
