Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
