Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize