Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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