gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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