The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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