Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
someone owes me an orgasm
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
