I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
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Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going