he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
your address is 607B right?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.