my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.