imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.