you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I cut my penus on the lid.
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You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
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My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.