I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
