i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
