So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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