I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
