I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Found the puke drawer
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
