No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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