Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
