I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
