in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
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