Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
