yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
