i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
there is glitter all over my balls
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
