I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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