Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
