one two three fourrrrnication!
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
