How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
