**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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