btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
