So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
