we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
