i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I understand Curling. That high.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
That accounts for only three of the penises
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
