just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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