he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
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