Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
