I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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