Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
