in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I wish they made helmets for livers.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
ok first of all what the fuck
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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