I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Randomize
