Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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