I'm pants shitting drunk right now
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
