I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
