at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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