She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
