Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
When are your genitals available?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
