Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
