you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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