so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
BRING THE BAGELS
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
