ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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