She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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