You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
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I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
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Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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