She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
