she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
