You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I forgot how hot balto sounded
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
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