I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
